He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
