you're like a bully in the Christmas story
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
