in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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