Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
