I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he thought i was a dude.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
