Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
