Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
