Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
