And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
