Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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