I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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