Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
