meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
