OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize