the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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