I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
