I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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