My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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