I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize