why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
