If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
