I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
