whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
