You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
