Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love you.
Bad choice
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