Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
