is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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