My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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