Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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