I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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