erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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