im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
