I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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