wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize