I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
