Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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