My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
found the other keg... it's in the tree
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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