hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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