Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
