you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
