Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
