i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize