the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
