Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
