so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize