Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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