my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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