I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
