My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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