so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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