Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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