So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
