I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
