Dual....:-)
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
