i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
