grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
