I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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