I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
