I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
