I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
