im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
