I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
