No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
