Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
