i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My feet surprised me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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