My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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