what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
