when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
