I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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