If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
