In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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