I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
