I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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