Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want her autograph on my taint
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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