Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
