oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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